Under Joshua’s
Shadow

Author’s Notes: Themes & “Threads”
A fictional story blended with multiple themes and intersections of nature, psychology, religion, philosophy, and mysticism contribute to the novel’s linear, yet rich plot filled with symbolism, and abstract higher meaning — if higher meaning exists. Afterall, it is a dark romance novel, so death may be everyone’s fate, but while alive, we do everything possible to overcome its gravity that tugs on the past, present, and future. Characters attempt to both reach beyond and dig deep into themselves to strive for their desires, purpose, and even seek transcendent experiences, only to be held back by laws of nature which remind them of their human tolerances as topics of faith and doubt intermingle within the context of denial or ambivalence to stay and persevere “without a shadow of a doubt.” I like to use fabric sowing terms as a metaphor for my writing; hence, terms like “seams” and “topstitch” help describe the messy hidden imagery underneath. Thus, character development is not always central to the plot. Instead, plot also unfolds around characters among allegorical images like plants and animals. Invisible but foundational intersections, mystical, and allegorical imagery may conceal intangible seams but clearer and ornate topstitches are made visible by how characters process experience and meaning and how they aim to arc the approximate direction where truth or purpose flourish, while also attempting to seek safety. Whether character development exists among changes of the seasons, among individual versus collective expectations, or within mundane moments to cosmic realities, it is important to understand character development is an interconnected experience in the story. However, I attempt to utilize the traditional structure of Plato’s ladder of love as characters experience fear from external forces, faith by internal force, as traditional exposition should lead to conflict, before characters experience resolutions like transformation. I was also mindful of the logical exposition in storytelling; therefore, linear versus multi-connected realities do compete for space, but the story still unfolds in a sequential way, with minimal use of foreshadowing and flashback. However, dreaming is a major theme, for it presents subjective moments of consciousness. The adage “be careful what you wish for” is a juxtaposition of what is gained through loss or what is lost with gain. Yet, it is through dreaming, characters define what they wish, but they also discover, through other sorts of “dreams,” something different. Juxtapositions between characters and events represent threads of duality, or contrast between oppositions, and you will notice polarity conveyed in things like mountain altitude, earth & sky, seasons, liquids, day & night, to more ephemeral images like light & shadow, colors, temperature, which are not necessarily binary, suggesting hierarchy may play a role in things, like religion, but structure is not the rule in nature, as nature does not care about religious truth, and contrary, religion does not always care about nature. The fact is, gravity is always pulling or pushing, and nature evolves within the infinite. Once again, is another nod, yet also an eye-turn, to the ancient traditional pyramid structure, a Prometheus flame mastering something new to find a way out from darkness or from the weight of inferiority through sublime moments — i.e. whimsical images like pink sunsets, orange full moons, sparkly stars, and shiny orange dragonflies. But structure ultimately serves as memory which is something one burns down for transformation. Indeed, love demands change, yet as much as the human spirit changes for love, even destroy, a shared space is anchored between lovers within the solidness of earth where deep rooted unspoken privacy, insecurities, and inconsistency create heavy stagnation and techonomic pressure which puts a spotlight on strengths and weaknesses. Natural forces are strong. Religion can become despondent by abusive power and fear. Beauty can become mundane by states of anxiety, grief, poor esteem, or an overthinking sensitive heart. But a beautiful song should never end on a sad note, yet lovers will continue to test each other’s self-worth or worse question their own, as characters seek truth comparing their incongruent relationship dynamics from two frames of mind: a stance on nature from the horse’s mouth versus a lofty ideal of beauty or truth. Ironically, the highest love between friends and lovers is trust and compatibility — not fear and perfection. Despite the dark romance tone and tension between salvation(perfection) and integration (alignment), I attempted to avoid anti-beauty as the backdrop in the story to influence character growth as their intuition and discernment improve as they move forward with determination; however, I certainly did not aim to solve all problems or answer all questions for the characters. Each character poses variable degrees of agency to learn how to love their inner landscape just as much as they admire their outer landscape. Intuition cannot fix everything. Inevitably, we swim in a sea of over-the-moon moments and regretful experiences in search of a guarantee, only to simply find ourselves at the end — after the guarantee has expired. On that note, characters do possess self-affirmed identities and life history. It was my attempt to write a story apart from the typical male queer genre often about coming out within a landscape of sex, drugs, and rock-n- roll. Therefore, sexual identity is not used as spectacle; it is used to enhance the navigation of intimacy during incarceration within the context of spirituality, and how the two interplay within broken promises, because relationships are not broken, they simply require joint healing.