Under Joshua’s
Shadow

Author’s Notes: Themes & “Threads”
A fictional story blended with multiple themes and intersections of nature, psychology, religion, philosophy, and mysticism contribute to the novel’s linear, yet rich plot filled with symbolism, and abstract higher meaning — if higher meaning exists. Afterall, it is a dark romance novel, so death may be everyone’s fate, but while alive, we do everything possible to escape its gravity. On a side note, the dark themes are essentially a nod to the 20th century psychological perspectives on the human condition post-World War. That said, I am working on a sequel to break away from those outdated perspectives. There are variable levels of introspection among the characters. Characters attempt to reach beyond or dig deep into themselves as they experience budding desires, grief, floundering purpose, and even transcendent experiences, only to be held back by laws of nature which remind them of their human tolerances as topics of faith and doubt intermingle among denial or ambivalence to stay or let go “without a shadow of a doubt.” There is a lot of subtext, symbolism, and motifs in the novel. I like to use fabric sewing terms as a metaphor for my writing; hence, terms like “seams” and “topstitch” help describe the invisible imagery underneath. Thus, character development is not always central to the plot. Instead, the plot also unfolds around characters among hidden allegorical images like biblical names, plants and animals, and Jungian archetypes. I find it enjoyable when readers identify their own web of meaning through motifs they identify. For example, without giving it away, water is a constant motif. I thought about the traditional use of water from references of slavery, and I juxtaposed that concept with the dragonfly. So as characters seek refuge, invisible threads conceal intangible seams but clearer and ornate topstitches are made visible by how the reader taps into traditional use of images/motifs. Whether character development exists among symbolic names, archetypes, changes of the seasons, from individual and collective expectations, or from mundane moments to visions of immortality, it is important to understand character development is an interconnected experience in the story. Because exposition should naturally lead to conflict before characters experience change or transformation, I attempt to utilize the traditional structure of Plato’s ladder of love as a method to manage how characters experience fear and faith within the context of interpersonal and personal growth. I was also mindful of the logical exposition in storytelling; therefore, linear versus multi-connected realities do compete for space in the novel, but the story still unfolds in a sequential way, with minimal use of foreshadowing, flashback, and narrator interference. However, human dreams are a major theme, for they present subjective moments of consciousness; therefore, there is an intersection between traditional sense of order within the structure of the story and a modern sense of a humanist psychology about higher needs which I made elusive at times in the story. Thus, the adage ‘be careful what you wish for’ is a juxtaposition of what is gained through loss or what is lost with gain. What we think are needs are actually wants. It is through dreaming, lines between reality and imagination blur as characters define what they ‘wish they need,’ but they also discover, through other sorts of “dreams,” something different. Juxtapositions between characters and events represent threads of duality, or contrast between oppositions, and you will notice polarity conveyed in things like mountain altitude(ascent/descent), earth & sky, seasons, liquids, day & night, to more ephemeral images like light/ shadow, color, temperature, which are not necessarily binary, suggesting hierarchy ebbs and flows in life. In a world where modern religion says God is in nature and ancient precepts say nature operates on alternative terms, neither side explains the exceptions and the outliers, so while religion has angels and nature has birds, characters are left to feel the gaps, as religion does not need nature to fight for a cause, while nature does not need religious truth to adapt to adversity. The fact is, the same gravity is always pulling or pushing on everything at once, and characters evolve within that vortex. Once again, another nod, yet also an eye-turn, to the ancient traditional pyramid structure, a sort of Prometheus flame mastering something new to find a way out from darkness or from the weight of inferiority through discovery of sublime moments like whimsical images of pink sunsets, orange full moons, sparkly stars, and shiny orange dragonflies which escape structure and hierarchies. Yet ironically structure ultimately serves as memory, but for change to occur, one must burn down memory for change. But when thoughts of ‘we grew apart’ or ‘disrupted love’ feed the mind, then characters need to discern if love is a feeling or a choice. As much as the human spirit changes for love or in spite of it, a shared space is anchored between lovers within the solidness of earth where deep rooted unspoken privacy, insecurities, and inconsistencies are anchored in the ground which create stagnation or perhaps a techonomic pressure that test weaknesses and loyalty. Internal and external natural forces are a pillar in the novel. The weather places pressures on patience and faith. It is analogous to the act that systems of religion can abuse power. Beauty can become mundane by states of anxiety, grief, poor esteem, or an overthinking sensitive heart yearning for the past during the cozy autumn. Despite natural forces against beauty, a beautiful song should never end on a sad note, yet lovers will continue to test each other’s self-worth all the way to the end or worse question their own worth, as characters seek truth comparing their incongruent relationship dynamics from totally different frames of mind like a subjective stance on nature from the horse’s mouth versus what is objectively obvious. With that in mind, in the pursuit of building worth, in two different geographical settings, characters forget their beginnings and earlier promises. Ironically, the highest love between lovers does not grow from fear and perfection — it actually grows from trust and compatibility. Despite the dark romance tone like bloody scenes throughout the novel, the use of dark tones makes the reader feel the tension between salvation (perfection among religious precepts) and integration (alignment among human flaws) which are explored by attempting to avoid a stagnant anti-beauty in the backdrop of the story to influence character inspirational growth, so despair would not anchor them down, as their evolving intuition pushes the plot forward. But intuition cannot fix everything, so I certainly did not aim to have characters solve all problems or answer all questions. Each character poses variable degrees of agency to learn how to love their inner landscape just as much as they admire the outer landscape. Inevitably, characters swim in a sea of over-the-moon moments and regrets in search of a promise as if love offers a transactional guarantee, but most people privately know, at the end, we only to find ourselves — after the guarantee has expired. Despite polarities and plot twists, characters do possess self-aware identities and life history. It was my attempt to write a story apart from the typical queer male genre often about coming out within a landscape of sex, drugs, and rock-n- roll in replace of a story about queer spirituality. Therefore, sexual identity is not used as spectacle; it is used to enhance intimacy separated by walls of incarceration within the context of individual growth and partnership, and how the two interplay within separateness. Individuation or transformation can break but it does not necessarily mean love is broken. It simply requires more mending and healing — a sort of restorative justice for love. The question is, in this novel, will justice prevail?