Under Joshua’s
Shadow

Author’s Notes: Themes & “Threads”
A fictional story blended with multiple themes and intersections of nature, psychology, religion, philosophy, and mysticism contribute to the novel’s linear, yet rich plot filled with symbolism, and abstract higher meaning — if higher meaning exists. Afterall, it is a dark romance novel, so death may be everyone’s fate, but while alive, we do everything possible to escape its gravity. On a side note, the dark themes are essentially a nod to the 20th century psychological perspectives on the human condition post-World War. That said, I am working on a sequel to break away from those outdated perspectives. There are variable levels of introspection among Joshua and Tom. In different forms of liberation, one character reclaims his spirituality, while the other discerns it. Characters attempt to reach beyond or dig deep into themselves as they experience budding desires, grief, floundering purpose, and even transcendent experiences, only to be held back by laws of nature which remind them of their human tolerances as topics of faith and doubt intermingle among denial or ambivalence to stay or let go “without a shadow of a doubt.” There is a lot of subtext, symbolism, and motifs in the novel. I like to use fabric sewing terms as a metaphor for my writing; hence, terms like “seams” and “topstitch” help describe the invisible imagery underneath. Thus, character development is not always central to the plot. Instead, the plot also unfolds around characters among hidden allegorical images like biblical names, plants and animals, and Jungian archetypes. I find it enjoyable when readers identify their own web of meaning through motifs they identify. For example, without giving too much away, water is a constant motif. With water, I thought about the traditional use of water from the slave narratives in history, and I juxtaposed how water confines and frees the salve within the system and how the dragonfly transforms from water bound to air bound. So as characters seek refuge, invisible threads conceal intangible seams but clearer and ornate topstitches are made visible by how the reader taps into the use of images/motifs. Whether character development exists among historical symbolism, archetypes, or from mundane moments to visions of immortality, it is important to understand character development is a more complex and interconnected experience in the novel. Because exposition should naturally lead to conflict before characters experience change or transformation, I attempted to utilize Plato’s ladder of love, but I did not heed to specific six levels of ascent, instead I explored the levels in a lite way with fear and faith between levels. I was also mindful of Plato’s logical exposition in storytelling; therefore, linear versus multi-connected realities do compete for space in my contemporary novel, but the story still unfolds in a sequential way, with minimal use of foreshadowing, flashback, and narrator interference. However, human dreams are a major theme, for they present subjunctive moments of consciousness; therefore, there is an intersection between traditional sense of order within the structure of the story and a modern humanist perspective about higher needs. Thus, the adage ‘be careful what you wish for’ is a juxtaposition of what is gained through loss or what is lost with gain. What we think are needs are actually wants and vice-versa. Also, it is through dreaming, lines between reality and imagination blur as characters define what they wish they need. Juxtapositions between characters and events represent competing interests, duality, or contrast between oppositions, and you will notice polarity conveyed in things like mountain altitude(ascent/descent), earth & sky, seasons, liquids, day & night, to more ephemeral images like light/ shadow, color, temperature, which are not necessarily binary, suggesting hierarchy is ambiguous or ebbs and flows. In a world where modern religion says God is in nature and ancient precepts say nature operates on alternative terms, neither side explains the exceptions and the outliers, so while religion has angels to and nature has birds, characters are left to feel the gaps, as religion does not need nature to fight for a cause, while nature does not need religious truth to survive. The fact is, the same gravity is always pulling or pushing on everything at once, and characters evolve within that vortex. Once again, another nod, yet also an eye-turn, to the ancient traditional pyramid structure, a sort of Prometheus flame mastering something new to find a way out from darkness of memory or from the weight of a chronicled inferiority through the awe of sublime moments like whimsical images of pink sunsets, orange full moons, sparkly stars, and shiny orange dragonflies to escape structure and hierarchy. Yet ironically structure ultimately serves as memory, but for change to occur, one must burn down memory for change. But when thoughts of ‘we grew apart’ or ‘disrupted love’ feed the mind, then characters need to discern if love is a feeling or a choice. As much as the human spirit changes for love or in spite of it, a shared space is anchored between lovers within the solidness of earth where deep rooted unspoken privacy, insecurities, and inconsistencies are anchored in the ground which create stagnation or perhaps a techonomic pressure that tests weaknesses and loyalty. Internal and external natural forces are a pillar in the novel. The weather places pressures on patience and faith. It is analogous to the act that systems of religion can abuse power. Beauty can become mundane by states of anxiety, grief, poor esteem, or an overthinking sensitive heart yearning for the past during the cozy autumn. Despite forces against beauty and truth, a beautiful song should never end on a wrong note, yet lovers will continue to test each other’s self-worth all the way to the end or worse question their own worth, as characters seek truth comparing their incongruent relationship dynamics from totally different frames of mind like a subjective stance on nature from the horse’s mouth versus what is objectively obvious. With that in mind, in the pursuit of building worth, in two different geographical settings, characters forget their beginnings and earlier promises. Ironically, the highest love between lovers does not grow from fear and perfection — it actually grows from trust and compatibility. Despite the dark romance tone like bloody scenes throughout the novel, the use of dark tones makes the reader feel the tension between salvation (perfection among religious precepts) and integration (alignment among human flaws) which are explored by attempting to avoid a stagnant anti-beauty in the backdrop of the story to influence character inspirational growth, so despair would not anchor them down, as their evolving intuition pushes the plot forward. But intuition cannot fix everything, so I certainly did not aim to have characters solve all problems or answer all questions. Each character poses variable degrees of agency to learn how to love their inner landscape just as much as they admire the outer landscape. Inevitably, characters swim in a sea of over-the-moon moments and regrets in search of a promise as if love offers a transactional guarantee, but most people privately know, at the end, we only find ourselves — after the guarantee has expired. Despite polarities and plot twists, characters do possess self-aware identities and life history. It was my attempt to write a story apart from the typical queer male genre often about coming out within a landscape of sex, drugs, and rock-n- roll in replace of a story about queer spirituality. Therefore, sexual identity is not used as spectacle; it is used to enhance intimacy separated by walls of incarceration within the context of individual growth and partnership, and how the two interplay within separateness. Individuation or transformation can break but it does not necessarily mean love is broken. It simply requires more mending and healing — a sort of restorative justice for love. The question is, in this novel, will justice prevail?